The Tween Scene

Several months ago, I first heard the word “tween,” which refers to youngsters between the ages of 9 and 12. A generation ago, we called this age group “teeny boppers,” among other things. This developmental netherworld traps a kid between childhood and the teen years, and leaves some hapless parents and grandparents feeling lost in the thicket.

 

I’m starting to see some tweening (yes, it can also be a verb) going on in our world. Rylan, now 11 and a mild-mannered, together kind of guy, is now in middle school. Amelia, 8, is a proud third grader who is watching the older kids as they navigate the tween years. The next few years promise to be very interesting for our family.

 

Conversations are now taking on more grown-up themes, with sophisticated learning and body changes taking center stage. I recently asked Rylan how middle school was going, and he replied, “Oh, it’s great! In math, we’re starting robotics, and pretty soon we’ll make our own robots. But right now, we’re just getting started, so today we did 3-D printing.” I was slack-jawed.

In an effort to keep up the conversation and not sound like a dinosaur, I said, “Do you realize that when I was in fifth grade none of that existed? We didn’t even have computers. I was limping through long division with a pencil and paper.” He looked at me as if I’d just developed a third eye on my forehead and said, “Seriously? You’re kidding, right?”

 

Changes in the body, not always obvious to the naked eye, also are becoming part of the conversation. A few weeks ago, Rylan proudly lifted both elbows to the sky and announced, “I’ve started using deodorant!” As serious as a heart attack, Amelia said, “Because he really needs it.”

 

The most recent U.S. Census estimates that there are 20 million tweens in the United States and, by the year 2020, that number will grow to 23 million. Madison Avenue, in New York City, has taken notice and invested $17 billion to reach this market. Clothing lines, hygiene products, music and more all cater to this very interesting age group.

 

Parents are buying books to help guide them through this passage and into the teen years with their sanity intact. I plan to read “How to Hug a Porcupine,” one of the bibles of pre-teen parenting, to refresh my feeble brain. I have forgotten a lot of those years, but then, the brain cannot remember pain.

It’s an unspoken behavior, but I can feel Rylan pulling away emotionally. A few years ago, he would see me enter the playground at St. George’s Episcopal School, and he’d run across the field and leap into my arms! Now when he sees me, he quietly gives me the two-fingered peace sign and goes about the business of playing with his buddies. All of this is quite normal, but for a goofy grandmother like me, it kinda stinks.

 

There are times when I just want to throw my arms around him and say, “Slow this growing up thing down! Don’t you want to make play-dough or sing ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’ one more time?”

 

The other day I drove Rylan to flag football practice – something I don’t get to do very often but always enjoy. As he opened the car door to get out, I blithely asked, “Can I walk with you?” He hesitated for a second and then said, “Well… OK.” I followed him for a bit, allowing a respectable distance behind him, so I wouldn’t embarrass him in front of his friends.

 

“He’s pulling away,” I thought. “He’s really a tween.” I knew this day would come. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.