Splitting fam time during holidays can be stressful, here’s how to navigate the “family split.”
Having a large family can be a blessing and a curse. Now pair your large family with your spouse’s large family, and the holidays can be quite confusing. Where do we go first? Do we spend more time with their grandparents? Or mine? Who gets to decide when to leave? Since there isn’t a Holidays for Dummies rulebook (is there?) We’ve put together a helpful guide to splitting holidays between families. Don’t freak out! (Yet.)
1. Communicate Honestly
It’s important to be honest with your partner about what you want while keeping their desire in mind, too. Take the time to hear your partner’s ideal holiday scenarios, and then respectfully voice your opinion too. From there, you can work together to come up with a game plan for what your family can do together. Maybe you’ll spend Thanksgiving with your family, and in turn spend time with your partner’s family on Christmas Eve. Or, consider splitting up the eight days of Hanukkah by celebrating with both sets of parents.
2. Offer to Host in Your Home
If you decide you’d rather not travel all week, you can opt for hosting holiday gatherings in your home. Since your home is a neutral space, offering to host the gathering will make everyone feel welcome, and it’ll eliminate feelings of isolation, jealousy, or resentment. Plus, taking over the hosting responsibilities can take some of the weight off of your parents’ shoulders, and give them a gift they’ll truly appreciate.
3. Connect Virtually
If it’s too much of a hassle to drive across state or country to meet with your side of the family, opt for a virtual Thanksgiving or Christmas Zoom session. Although nothing compares to face-to-face quality time, a virtual gathering can supplement time spent with family––talking, laughing, and enjoying one another’s (virtual) presence.
4. Consider Switching Off Each Year
It’s a lot easier to split holidays between families when everyone lives near each other. However, if the other partner’s family lives further away, consider switching off houses each year. Alternating holidays on an annual basis might be the easiest option for everyone, especially if you need to make travel arrangements to get there.
5. Start New Traditions
The holiday season is the perfect time to start new traditions in your family. Instead of worrying about choosing houses for Thanksgiving dinner, you could host a dinner the weekend before in your home. Or, instead of trying to split Christmas Day among two families, you could host a gingerbread house bake-off on December 23rd, and spend Christmas Day with just your family. You might even consider combining holiday celebrations on a neutral day that can work for everyone. The more creative the tradition, the more meaningful it will be in the coming years.