A Dad’s Perspective On Children’s Parties
A seasoned dad shares his insight into the plethora of parties.
My social life is reduced to this: The Birthday Party Circuit. If you have a child over two weeks old, your social life now comprises cookie cake, ice cream, clowns, balloons—and probably a whole lot more.
Depending upon how large your child’s playgroup or homeroom is, and how many relatives you have living nearby, you could have three or more parties on your schedule every month. And these parties typically go way beyond cake and ice cream; they’re getting bigger by the minute. One has a spacewalk, so the next one has a spacewalk and a clown. The next one adds a juggling act and a snowball vendor.
I figure for two children, you can easily spend upwards of a cool thousand bucks a year on birthdays. Because the cost of these parties are so frequently underestimated, I’ve developed a formula to help you calculate—and budget for—the real bottom line: (cost of the location) + (cost of the clown, portable petting zoo, etc.) + (any other costs you can possibly think of) + ($150) = actual cost.
My biggest point of contention about today’s “new age” birthday parties for kids isn’t the volume of parties, nor the cost. It’s the fact that men are expected to tag along. Now before I am lynched in the streets of the Quarter, understand that men attending children’s birthday parties is a new societal development most certainly made up by those responsible for creating couple’s wedding showers and the granddaddy of them all—couple’s baby showers.
When I was a kid, my mom took us to all birthday parties while my dad went fishing. Now Dads are expected to attend. If a man manages to get out of attending a child’s birthday party, his wife is obligated to mention to him, by name, every dad who was in attendance. He also will not get sex that night.
To help kids’ parties be more attractive to us dads, I have a simple suggestion: beer. That’s right, beer. If you have a party at your house and men are going to show, stick a 48-quart ice chest outside, separate from the other drinks. You don’t even have to label it since the seasoned veteran of children’s birthday parties will lock in on it like a quarterback on his favorite target late in a close game.
That reminds me of football games. Men owe it to fellow men to not allow birthday parties to take place during a Saints or LSU game. If a dad has a horrible lapse in judgment and his child’s party ends up scheduled during one of these games, he must excuse all men from attending.
Okay, in all seriousness, as a father, nothing brings me greater joy than an unsolicited smile on one of my kid’s faces. These parties—whether they’re a guest or the child being honored—provide smile after smile. It’s also fun to get to know other parents who share so many of the same frustrations, worries, and joys that come along with parenting. And I like seeing my children interact with their friends on their own terms and utilize social skills which will help shape who they become. The reward of seeing your children interact with their friends on unfamiliar turf is absolutely worth it.
By Ronald F. Helwig